Framed

Ok. So I finally got new glasses. When I got my last pair, 6 years ago, I was rushed by my infant daughter demanding to be nursed. As a result, I settled for a pair that the glasses helper lady said "Oh those are nice" about (probably because they were the most expensive pair I'd put on) despite the fact that I didn't really like them. In no time at all I grew to hate them. They were not very flattering but they were 100 percent mine. Ah well, I had a new infant and how I looked in my glasses I'm sure was better than how I looked in my sweats and t-shirt with a spit up stain on the shoulder. Especially since a whole day could pass without my having once brushed my hair. But that's another blog.

Eventually though, I graduated from sweats and baby stained clothes and my glasses just stuck out worse. I'm not sure when they got bent out of shape, but I never even bothered to have them adjusted. I looked as though I had my head permenantly cocked to one side in a contemplative manner. Except that my head was perfectly aligned upon my shoulders. In short, I looked ridiculous.

But all that has finally changed. I picked out my own frames this time, taking all the time I needed and leaving no pair untested. I am now the proud owner of glasses that I actually like. I was able to test them out on my best friend tonight, whom to my relief, liked them quite well. I'd asked my husband what he thought right after I'd gotten them. Fishing for compliments from my husband though, is quite an adventure all in it's own. He's incapable of just saying, "They look nice, I like them". Instead, I get a 20 minute rendition of Ray Ramone (everybody loves Raymond) stumbling all over himself. Somewhere in the middle of his tirade I specifically remember him saying "I mean, they're glasses" followed by multiple ways to qualify that to mean something better than what it sounded. Finally, at the end of his word vomit episode, I said "So you like them?" to which he replied "yes".

God love 'em.

So there you have it.

Liberate Me

What is womens Lib anyway? Some things I see done under women's Lib, I just gotta wonder about the rightness of it. I'm in agreeance with gender equality. But I'm not for gender sameness. I want to be treated with equal respect as a man. But I don't want to be treated AS a man. Or the same as a man.

My husband was telling me about his sister and nephew. His nephew played volleyball on a traveling team. But in our town, the school does not offer boys volleyball. My sister-in-law told her son to go out for the girls team (which he refused) since so many girls were going out for boys football etc. Also, for the first time in school history, there is a male cheerleader.

It got me thinking about things. I agree that if girls can go out for guys sports, guys should be able to go out for girls sports. However, it creates the physical harm concern in reverse. If a girl goes out for football, they say she'll get hurt. But if a guy goes out for a girl's sport, I'd be concerned that another girl may get hurt. Bottom line? I think that if there is a question of physical injury due to the gender difference, there should be no crossing of sports lines. I don't think girls should be allowed to play football. I don't think boys should be allowed to play girls volleyball. I know there are intramural sports that mix the sexes and I'm all for those. There are guidelines and everyone EVERYONE participating understands the mixture of the sexes and any implications that incurs.

But it goes beyond sports. Those are a choice to participate in. But I'm finding this attitude that women should be treated as men. I simply disagree. I don't want to be treated as though I had a man's strength, a man's mentality, a man's calling. Before my injuries, I used to beat my male friends in arm wrestling. I worked horses and I worked hard work. It made me strong. I wanted recognition for my accomplishments but I never wanted to be treated like a guy.

I think women's lib, or at least some of the things I see presented as women's lib, as a slippery slope. I understand women, oppressed, wanted out of the home and into the work force. But now we are in a time where there is little option but to work - and still struggle despite two incomes. Now we are sending our children off the centers to be cared for during the majority of the day, or we're sending them to an empty home to fend for themselves - for better or for worse. I don't blame people for wanting to open new doors. It's just that opening new doors closes old ones and not everyone wants to go down the same path.

Addendum: I realize this may sound a bit archaic. Also, it may be that what is supposed to be women's lib is not actually what I have a problem with, just the direction some people have taken with it. Frankly, I realize I'm fortunate and beholden to many who stood up for women's liberation. I also want to make it clear that though it may have sounded as though I believe it is wrong for women to join the work force and send their children to daycare, that is absolutely not my belief. Rather that I don't think we have much more of a choice about having a job than we did prior to women's lib.

Gray In The Middle

A few years ago I went through training to volunteer at a women's shelter. As a part of that training, we met with a group that gathers to discuss racial awareness/equality etc. It consisted of several black people and a couple of whites. Mostly they discuss inequality and predjudices.

At one point, someone asked if times were improved now for today's youth, predjudicially speaking. The answer? No. The lady that spoke up was probably mid 50's and the group (excluding the whites to whom the question was not directed) agreed. I was floored. How could things not be better, as far as prejudism goes, for black youths today as opposed to 30+ years ago?! But they were adament. I would liked to have explored their opinion further but the topic soon strayed. Even now, years later, I'm disturbed by that response. I find it impossible to believe.

I realize that racial slurs, prejudism, and inequality are still prevelant in our society, but how could it possibly be just as bad as it was decades ago. I could argue that seperatism is, if not extinct, than at least certainly far from the norm but I will concede that hostilities could have simply changed it's form rather than gone away. But, I know when I grew up, I didn't even realize some people didn't think it was kosher for me to have my black friends. None of us suffered for being friends with each other. No parents prevented our black friends from spending the night, coming over to play, or any such thing or even tried to interfere with our friendships. In fact, I never thought in terms of black and white at all during my growing years. Despite having friends who were black, I never encountered any reason to consider it. Surely that's an improvment over all those decades ago; that an 8 year old black girl could spend the night with an 8 year old white girl, and vice versa, without anyone burning crosses in the front yard.

The attitude that things are no better today almost makes me angry. Do we have a long ways to go yet? Of course. I'm not saying we live in a racial equal society. But to think that my efforts to teach my children and impress upon others who think otherwise that skin color does not determine a person's worth have been wasted irritates me.

I'm extremely willing to listen if someone can explain this belief to me.