In Memory
This being memorial day weekend, I'm going to blog about my brother.
When I was little, I saw my brother as my hero, my savior. My sister who is 9 years older than me, well, her and I didn't get along. I was still pretty young and my brother used to "save" me from her or try to cheer me up.
Troy was 38 when he died from Pancreatic Cancer. He lived in Murphy Texas, was married, and had a then 2 year old daughter. He was the type of person who drew people to him. When he made a friend, they were a friend for life. He was witty and charming and very intelligent. He was more articulate than anyone I know. There was also some arrogance in him, he was aware of his abilities but to say he was likeable would be an understatement.
He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and died 11 painful, wrenching weeks later. He'd always been a pillar of health and it was difficult for him to accept what was happening to him. He told me he wanted to die with dignity. It was important to him. Though we could see the pain he was in, he never complained about it, never cried out. He was the last to give up on the ability to do something for himself.
He had wanted to stay in his home in Texas as long as possible, then go to our parents home in Illinois when the end was near. He was to be buried there and had spoken with the funeral home director there. He had specifics of how he wanted to look. He didn't want some frown on his face, or a blank, expressionless face. He wanted a smile. And he was adament about it. He chose his pallbearers, his coffin, the music to be played, and the clothes to be buried in.
He made one trip to Illinois during his 11 weeks for a wedding his daughter had been asked to be in. She was to be a flower girl. He really wasn't feeling well and we worried about what the trip would take out of him. He never considered not coming. The day of the wedding he sat at the end of the aisle. He was feeling bad but wouldn't leave. He told my sister "This will be my only chance to see my little girl walk down the aisle. I won't live to see her do it again". He wasn't able to complete the trip back home without problems. Half way there he had complications and was admitted to ICU. Eventually we got him transferred to ICU in Dallas/Plano. The trip cost him precious days in the hospital. He never fully recovered his strength but he got to see his baby walk down the wedding aisle in a white dress. I think it was a blow to his system but a balm to his heart.
Even when we told him that if he didn't travel now, he wouldn't make it to Illinois, he refused to give up on life. A beautiful set of people volunteered their time and skills to fly him from Texas to Illinois. He was so intent on living, he walked off the plane and across the small airfield to the car on his own stead. Those watching would never believe his life would be gone just days later.
It's been a year and a half since he left us. I can hardly believe so much time has passed. We still miss him like it was yesterday. Now we are helping his widow to raise his little girl. She now lives in Chicago but his daughter spends much of her time with my family. Next weekend she'll make the 5 hour drive and be spending the summer with us. She'll likely have no memories of her own of her daddy but we'll make sure she knows who he was, how much he loved her, and how he treasured watching her one day dropping petals down the aisle in her little white dress.
I miss you Troy, and I love you.
When I was little, I saw my brother as my hero, my savior. My sister who is 9 years older than me, well, her and I didn't get along. I was still pretty young and my brother used to "save" me from her or try to cheer me up.
Troy was 38 when he died from Pancreatic Cancer. He lived in Murphy Texas, was married, and had a then 2 year old daughter. He was the type of person who drew people to him. When he made a friend, they were a friend for life. He was witty and charming and very intelligent. He was more articulate than anyone I know. There was also some arrogance in him, he was aware of his abilities but to say he was likeable would be an understatement.
He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and died 11 painful, wrenching weeks later. He'd always been a pillar of health and it was difficult for him to accept what was happening to him. He told me he wanted to die with dignity. It was important to him. Though we could see the pain he was in, he never complained about it, never cried out. He was the last to give up on the ability to do something for himself.
He had wanted to stay in his home in Texas as long as possible, then go to our parents home in Illinois when the end was near. He was to be buried there and had spoken with the funeral home director there. He had specifics of how he wanted to look. He didn't want some frown on his face, or a blank, expressionless face. He wanted a smile. And he was adament about it. He chose his pallbearers, his coffin, the music to be played, and the clothes to be buried in.
He made one trip to Illinois during his 11 weeks for a wedding his daughter had been asked to be in. She was to be a flower girl. He really wasn't feeling well and we worried about what the trip would take out of him. He never considered not coming. The day of the wedding he sat at the end of the aisle. He was feeling bad but wouldn't leave. He told my sister "This will be my only chance to see my little girl walk down the aisle. I won't live to see her do it again". He wasn't able to complete the trip back home without problems. Half way there he had complications and was admitted to ICU. Eventually we got him transferred to ICU in Dallas/Plano. The trip cost him precious days in the hospital. He never fully recovered his strength but he got to see his baby walk down the wedding aisle in a white dress. I think it was a blow to his system but a balm to his heart.
Even when we told him that if he didn't travel now, he wouldn't make it to Illinois, he refused to give up on life. A beautiful set of people volunteered their time and skills to fly him from Texas to Illinois. He was so intent on living, he walked off the plane and across the small airfield to the car on his own stead. Those watching would never believe his life would be gone just days later.
It's been a year and a half since he left us. I can hardly believe so much time has passed. We still miss him like it was yesterday. Now we are helping his widow to raise his little girl. She now lives in Chicago but his daughter spends much of her time with my family. Next weekend she'll make the 5 hour drive and be spending the summer with us. She'll likely have no memories of her own of her daddy but we'll make sure she knows who he was, how much he loved her, and how he treasured watching her one day dropping petals down the aisle in her little white dress.
I miss you Troy, and I love you.
posted by SonSon at 12:35 PM
5 Comments:
What a touching and loving memorial to your brother. I'm sorry he died but you are lucky to have had him for the time you did. I recently lost a brother and three years ago lost a daughter and can share both your grief at your loss and your happiness in having had loving family with you/me for the time they were here.
sad to know about your brother. but feels good to know that your love for your brother, spills over to his daughter too and will ensure a loving extended family and good future & memories for her.
That was heartbreaking! I am sorry for your loss, he sounds like a wonderful guy! I hope should it ever come to pass that I find out I am passing, I do it with half the grace and dignity your brother did.
xoxo Lisa
Hey, I have no idea what I can say about this that is meaningful, but know I read every word, and really touched me. thx.
Thank you all for taking the time to read my blog about my brother and for giving me a chance to talk about him. It means a great deal to me to know that I can speak about him and someone will hear.
Post a Comment
<< Home