I Am Not Helen Keller
I'm not a historian, but I love historical fiction. I often read about people who are ill or whatnot and everyone around them is trying to get them to rest etc etc but the person is determined to do something. Another theme is how pregnancy used to be considered a delicate condition.
I've got a beef about today's attitudes. Nowadays, you're expected to work when you're ill. It's not the working when you're ill that I have a problem with, it's the expectation. It's no longer admirable to push yourself. It's expected. And so much so that it is unnoticed when you do. But the negative feedback is profound.
A person with disabilities/limitations is expected to "overcome". It used to be doing so would be admirable. Now, it's the par. Now it's the expectation for disabled people to be Helen Keller. Lance Armstrong is not a role model, he holds the bar of expectation.
When I was pregnant, I worked the full term of my pregnancy. In fact, I went into labor while working and finished the shift. And lemme tell ya, 9 months pregnant didn't matter. I was still expected to lift patients, make the rounds on the same work load, and even work with the same dangerous diseases that I was when I wasn't pregnant. All the "equal rights" by people who weren't going to have children or men who never would be pregnant made sure of that.
Instead of taking care of each other, we're taking care of ourselves and to hell with anyone else.
Back to my original point though, I'm tired of battling the Helen Keller syndrome. At 27 I found myself with legs that didn't work right following a surgery to fuse my back. While I've managed over the years to learn to function with pain and legs that I couldn't feel, sometimes just doing is exhausting. Most of the time you wouldn't know I had any disabilities just by looking at me. Sometimes I feel just living with these limitations ought to be enough. But no. To have respect, you have to reach the exceptional. I have no desire to be exceptional. I am who I am and would like to be accepted as such. Unfortunately, unexceptional brings a host of disdain. My sister often tells my I need to "get a life". I have 2 young kids and a husband. I have a life. It's just not Helen Keller's.
I've got a beef about today's attitudes. Nowadays, you're expected to work when you're ill. It's not the working when you're ill that I have a problem with, it's the expectation. It's no longer admirable to push yourself. It's expected. And so much so that it is unnoticed when you do. But the negative feedback is profound.
A person with disabilities/limitations is expected to "overcome". It used to be doing so would be admirable. Now, it's the par. Now it's the expectation for disabled people to be Helen Keller. Lance Armstrong is not a role model, he holds the bar of expectation.
When I was pregnant, I worked the full term of my pregnancy. In fact, I went into labor while working and finished the shift. And lemme tell ya, 9 months pregnant didn't matter. I was still expected to lift patients, make the rounds on the same work load, and even work with the same dangerous diseases that I was when I wasn't pregnant. All the "equal rights" by people who weren't going to have children or men who never would be pregnant made sure of that.
Instead of taking care of each other, we're taking care of ourselves and to hell with anyone else.
Back to my original point though, I'm tired of battling the Helen Keller syndrome. At 27 I found myself with legs that didn't work right following a surgery to fuse my back. While I've managed over the years to learn to function with pain and legs that I couldn't feel, sometimes just doing is exhausting. Most of the time you wouldn't know I had any disabilities just by looking at me. Sometimes I feel just living with these limitations ought to be enough. But no. To have respect, you have to reach the exceptional. I have no desire to be exceptional. I am who I am and would like to be accepted as such. Unfortunately, unexceptional brings a host of disdain. My sister often tells my I need to "get a life". I have 2 young kids and a husband. I have a life. It's just not Helen Keller's.
posted by SonSon at 4:45 PM
9 Comments:
I see that all around me too.
Everyone wants to be "supermom" to the point of people having serious psychological issues. Drug addicted moms, etc.
I have also noticed this when I was pregnant, all 5 times! Not too many people were nice about it.
Don't feel judged by others. Easier said than done I know, but its true. They have no right to judge.
take care!
Supermom is another example of the point I was trying to make. And if you're NOT supermom, people look down their noses at you. What's wrong with "working hard to be the best I can mom"? Thanks for helping me make my point. Your example probably did it better than all my ramblings.
This wasn't your main point, but I feel like this also applies to kids in high school -- who are expected to get fantastic grades and have 4000 extracurriculars and score perfectly on the SAT and get into Harvard early decision.... it's overwhelming, and it really does happen at every stage in life. I may post on this very subject, thanks for the inspiration. :)
When my Mother gave birth,(all seven kids at home) she stayed in bed for at least a week afterward. She lived to be 91 (in her own apartment)then died of an infection from an internal injury she got from a fall.(Or she'd have made a hundred at least)
Eventhough US FMLA provides some protection, it is less than what is offered by some of the developing countries. Wish they made atleast some part of the 6 week FMLA leave as paid leave instead of treating the entire period as unpaid.
I think people also have this weird sense of obligation to their job; they believe if they stay home sick, the whole company will collapse.
Regarding pregnancy, here in Canada you get one year of maternity/parental leave, which you can start before your due date if you're not feeling that great and no one can say two words about it.
I heard a report that said that people who come to work when they are sick actually cost the company MORE money than if they stayed home because of productivity issues. They drag themselves in and just try to make it through the day, just to make their bosses happy that they are "there," but they are too sick to actually work - yet they are getting paid for being there...
And "Get a life" seems kind of harsh - what's up with THAT? Aren't we all swimming around in the same big ol' pond, just trying to keep our heads above water?Sheesh. I think "working hard to be the best I can Mom" makes you the best mom -and I'm sure your kids will agree.
Good, thought provoking post!
Sonson, can you email me your Date of Birth at baejaar[at]gmail.com (or leave a comment)?
This has been one of my hot buttons for a while. In fact, as soon as I can find a place to host me, I am going to start giving workshops for parents on how to OVERCOME society's expectations and actually take care of themselves!! Healthy, calm, rested parents = healthy, calm, rested families.
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