Secret Yearning
My secret desire, asside from untold wealth that is, is to be somebody special. Oh I know, everyone is special yadda yadda yadda. No, I want to be good at something. I want to be a blackbelt in Tae Kwon Do. I want to speak 20 fluent languages. I want to be a marathon runner, a gymnist, a singer.
I've been yearning after my secret desire more than usual lately. I think it goes back to still finding my new self. There are so many things I can no longer do. I haven't found new things that I can do. I miss riding horses. I used to be quite an equestrian. Horses were a passion. Now I doubt I could even mount. I used to play volleyball, raquetball, tennis, hike trails, run the mile. I can no longer do any of those things. Oh how I wish I could. I wish I could do something.....visible. It seems my whole life has faded into the background. So much so that sometimes I feel....almost nonexistant. It sounds crazy, I know. But sometimes I just wish I could do something, be somebody, that people would notice. Even something simple. Even just for a moment. That's my secret.
I've been yearning after my secret desire more than usual lately. I think it goes back to still finding my new self. There are so many things I can no longer do. I haven't found new things that I can do. I miss riding horses. I used to be quite an equestrian. Horses were a passion. Now I doubt I could even mount. I used to play volleyball, raquetball, tennis, hike trails, run the mile. I can no longer do any of those things. Oh how I wish I could. I wish I could do something.....visible. It seems my whole life has faded into the background. So much so that sometimes I feel....almost nonexistant. It sounds crazy, I know. But sometimes I just wish I could do something, be somebody, that people would notice. Even something simple. Even just for a moment. That's my secret.
posted by SonSon at 9:54 PM
5 Comments:
It's enough that you are who you are.
Well said Doug. And high time I stopped listening to people telling me I'm something that I'm not.
That was a really deep post! And doug said it just right but I must admit I feel that way alot myself. I am going to have to read some of your archives :)
I think we all want that at certain times in our lives.
Hey... I've been wanting to comment on this for a while, but couldn't quite find the right words, and I'm not sure I have yet. But I know just what you mean. And I think the only way to wrestle with it is to be the best you possible because the moments when we have opportunities to be extraordinary never come when we expect them. So yeah. :)
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