Married Minority
Man, sometimes I feel like I'm in the married minority. Everyone around me is divorced or getting divorced. I know, sometimes, it just doesn't work out. But that "sometimes" has turned into a large scale number!
Our neighbors just got a divorce. They have a girl my kids' age. She didn't seem to think twice about it. Neither did my kids. It was not the type of situation I wanted them to experience. They now have a "no big deal" second hand experience with divorce. That makes for an impression that is hard to override with words from me. They didn't see sad, suffering kids, scandal and embarrassment, worlds falling apart. They saw kids saying "meh" not caring if dad moved out - it's not like they'd never see him. They saw mom and dad getting a boyfriend and girlfriend. Which, to them at their age, having a boyfriend/girlfriend, is giggle, giggle cool. What kind of a message is that?!
Worse, it's not just our neighbor, it's this friend and that friend, this aunt and that cousin. What the H E double hockey sticks? What's a mom to do? How convincing is "the talk" if the proof that it's "no big deal" is bombarding them left and right, especially among their influential peers?
I sat with a group of women at a game last season. I realized as I was sitting there, that of the 6 of us, I was the only one still married. When I mentioned this, one of the girls started talking about the reasons she left her husband. I was like, my husband, he did all of that too. He had, to some degree, all the same faults she'd divorced her husband for. Doubtless my husband could come up with a nice fat list for me as well. Divorce has just become an easy out. And I hate the impression that leaves on my kids.
Our neighbors just got a divorce. They have a girl my kids' age. She didn't seem to think twice about it. Neither did my kids. It was not the type of situation I wanted them to experience. They now have a "no big deal" second hand experience with divorce. That makes for an impression that is hard to override with words from me. They didn't see sad, suffering kids, scandal and embarrassment, worlds falling apart. They saw kids saying "meh" not caring if dad moved out - it's not like they'd never see him. They saw mom and dad getting a boyfriend and girlfriend. Which, to them at their age, having a boyfriend/girlfriend, is giggle, giggle cool. What kind of a message is that?!
Worse, it's not just our neighbor, it's this friend and that friend, this aunt and that cousin. What the H E double hockey sticks? What's a mom to do? How convincing is "the talk" if the proof that it's "no big deal" is bombarding them left and right, especially among their influential peers?
I sat with a group of women at a game last season. I realized as I was sitting there, that of the 6 of us, I was the only one still married. When I mentioned this, one of the girls started talking about the reasons she left her husband. I was like, my husband, he did all of that too. He had, to some degree, all the same faults she'd divorced her husband for. Doubtless my husband could come up with a nice fat list for me as well. Divorce has just become an easy out. And I hate the impression that leaves on my kids.
posted by SonSon at 11:20 AM
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