How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count The Ways
I wonder, I know people change and the person you are married to often is not the person you married. But I wonder if the reason's why you married them are still there. My husband is definitely not the man I married. Neither am I. We both have changed in big ways over the last 10 years. In some ways I suppose we have not changed for the better. In many ways we have.
I was thinking tonight though, mostly because I was mad. Really, really mad. My husband has changed in aspects that were the reasons I married him. Did that make sense? The things I loved most about him, he's not anymore. I just wondered if that is the way it is or if that's just our case. I don't know if the things he most loved about me have changed or not. Probably so. I think one of the things he liked best was that I made a mean Jack and Coke. :<) Now I not only don't make them for him anymore, I encourage him to stick to beer.
Of course, being married is full of adjustments. It is a committment and it is hard work. I knew that at the beginning, just as I know it now. I am surprised though at how much my husband's basic personality has changed. Some characteristics I expected would never change. My husband was always much like a big teddy bear. He could be pretty ferocious when necessary, but mostly he was the softest, nicest person I knew. I took a lot of lessons in generosity and kind heartedness from him. Now? Anger is an adjective that suits him more a great deal of the time. Course, our lives are full of things that were not factors years ago. Still, it's a pretty big about face.
It's something I've failed to curb. Perhaps it's something I've even contributed to, I don't know. But one of the reasons I married him was because he was the anti-anger. He was easily one of the kindest men I had ever met. I respected that. A lot. I hope that this course runs full circle, that those great parts of the man he once was will come out again.
I was thinking tonight though, mostly because I was mad. Really, really mad. My husband has changed in aspects that were the reasons I married him. Did that make sense? The things I loved most about him, he's not anymore. I just wondered if that is the way it is or if that's just our case. I don't know if the things he most loved about me have changed or not. Probably so. I think one of the things he liked best was that I made a mean Jack and Coke. :<) Now I not only don't make them for him anymore, I encourage him to stick to beer.
Of course, being married is full of adjustments. It is a committment and it is hard work. I knew that at the beginning, just as I know it now. I am surprised though at how much my husband's basic personality has changed. Some characteristics I expected would never change. My husband was always much like a big teddy bear. He could be pretty ferocious when necessary, but mostly he was the softest, nicest person I knew. I took a lot of lessons in generosity and kind heartedness from him. Now? Anger is an adjective that suits him more a great deal of the time. Course, our lives are full of things that were not factors years ago. Still, it's a pretty big about face.
It's something I've failed to curb. Perhaps it's something I've even contributed to, I don't know. But one of the reasons I married him was because he was the anti-anger. He was easily one of the kindest men I had ever met. I respected that. A lot. I hope that this course runs full circle, that those great parts of the man he once was will come out again.
posted by SonSon at 9:43 PM
5 Comments:
Does he have time for hobbies and sech? Do you guys have time to do stuff alone?
I ask because I relaized how NOT FUN my husband's life seems - he works, he comes home, he sleeps, he works again. All the little things he used to do, like fishing or tying flies with the fellows, have sort of disappeared from his life. And we often live our marital life like two ships passing in the night... so I'm resolved to try and make him have some fun.
It is so easy to let fun and lightness go by the wayside in the cold hard light of real life.
I feel a man, especially an older man, is most affected negatively by his feelings of frustration in not having accomplished things about which he dreamed as a young man.
"I promised you the world and just managed to give you a 100 X 120 piece of it with a house thrown in.
I promised you undying love forever and gave you not quite enough(?) to sate your appetite.(I never know)
I was adventurous, exciting and ready to conquer the world for you and now I find myself wondering if I can stay awake long enough to know if there will be a tomorrow.
And, if there is a tomorrow, how much of my effort went into creating it; enough to even count?
When we met and fell in love, I was the answer to all your problems; Now even the questions evade me.
Have I failed completely or am I still in the process of failing? In your eyes, where am I; where in our journey am I going or have I just stopped?"
Sometimes it's hell to grow up and age...
I think all relationships have ups and downs, that's part of what makes us unique, I would try talking to him as openly as you type your feelings in here. Maybe there are simple things you both could do to improve things and get back to the love you once felt =)
Hey, I haven't been married that long so I'm probably not the best person to offer advice on this topic, but you never needed a license to comment on blogs. :) Anyway, I think africa makes a good point about making time for stuff that you love doing--individually and as a couple. Life can be a grind, and it's no fun looking at someone and thinking "I used to be so amazed by you and now you're a roommate I sleep in the same bed with."
I'm also a fan of the talking -- it's not easy, but if someone I genuinely care about tells me I'm being kind of a jerk (nicely of course) I usually listen. Good luck... *hugs*
People do change..that is to be expected. Adjustment is part of any relationship.
But the anger you describe? It certainly wouldn't hurt to talk to a doctor about that. Whats to lose?
Thought provoking post..thanks!
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